Treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time...and remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until winter, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink.... there is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

Work like you don't need money,

Love like you've never been hurt,

And dance like no one's watching.

-Robert Westerburg

"When people give you advice, they're really just talking to themselves in the past."

-Steal Like an Artist

Two Milestones Today

1. Today is Dave's Birthday! Yay! I have been ordered not to make it too big of a deal nor "worry" about ANYTHING today. We'll see if I pass.
2. We have all survived officially to 37 weeks of pregnancy, which is technically full-term! Go team (and yes, it has been a team effort.)

David Jonathan Fesler, the love of my life, is 27 years old. This past year has been the best of our lives! I may say that every year but it's true, being married to him just keeps getting better. What's new: 
-He tried out the mustache for a while
-Jobwise he went from freelancing in New York, then to Imagine Learning and now he's a big hot shot at Infogenix
-We've moved 3 times but it feels like 4 since some were in shifts
-He put a baby in me
-He helped remodel a house
-His choice of food has branched out (it sounds like I'm talking about a toddler in this one but it actually is very impressive)
-He snuggles me while he sleeps now
-We were dog sitters and now want one even more than ever before!
-He's more addicted to the gym than I ever was
And attempting to keep my promise of not making this day a huge deal, I'll stop there...for now.

37 Weeks Pregnant, what's new:
-For the most part I have considered myself a very lucky pregnant woman but even as I say that, I wonder if when I'm sitting here thinking how sane I feel, I'm pretty sure Dave has a more realistic idea of how it has progressed. He's the one who pushes my pregnant body out of the bed so I can use the restroom in the middle of the night, he is always willing to massage out restless legs and as far as mood swings Dave has seen the worst of it. If you want the nice version, ask me how I'm doing. If you want the real version, maybe Dave will confide in you.
-Dave doesn't complain about anything pregnancy wise and there is so much that could get on his nerves. I can't express enough appreciation that he doesn't make me feel bad because yes, sometimes I feel like a rotting beached whale.
-Penny seems to show up as "average" in everything. Hopefully this means she's a healthy baby and will continue to develop her great little bod.
-Penny is usually quite timid, if she is kicking me in an uncomfortable spot I can rub the area and she finds a better spot to dance on. This week however, she must have had a growth spurt because she seems very cramped inside and has decided she wants to punch her way through my left side. It must be frustrating to be stuck in such a small space.
-Penny gets the hiccups 2-3 times a day.
-Most of you already know I've had some pretty crazy cravings, I get asked about it a lot but they have slightly intensified on both the edible and non-edible side. Non-edible are mainly cleaning products including but not limited to: laundry detergent, nail polish remover, bleach, my lysol wipes at work always make my day better, dave's body wash...etc I've been taking iron pills to try and combat these cravings.
-I'm getting a brazilian wax. Everyone thinks I'm crazy, believe me, even the salon asked me if I really wanted to have it done. We'll see if I can tough out the whole thing. I can't get the numbing gel and it might induce labor but for some reason it is something I'm really looking forward to.
-I still get dizzy spells but I'm pretty used to and now have found some ways to manage them a bit better. My cardiologist says we're welcome to call him during delivery if anything seems out of place and his office happens to be just across the street. He also said that out of all of the heart conditions I could have, vasovagal is usually the safest for babies. Other than that, I get insomnia maybe once or twice a week and just get tired some nights more than others. The HR department at work thinks my shortness of breath is funny, they say they can tell when I'm pretty fed up with the day depending on how deep I sigh.

Busy Lizi

I once was nicknamed "the energizer bunny," at the time it was a compliment.

Now, however, I feel being unable to slow down is not benefiting my life. I'm working on it. Liked this talk a lot.

"Some might even think that their self-worth depends on the length of their to-do list. Because they unnecessarily complicate their lives, they often feel increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning in their lives.

There is a beauty and clarity that comes from simplicity that we sometimes do not appreciate in our thirst for intricate solutions.

May I suggest that you reduce the rush and take a little extra time to get to know yourself better. Walk in nature, watch a sunrise, enjoy God’s creations, ponder the truths of the restored gospel, and find out what they mean for you personally. "
-Of Things That Matter Most 
By: Uchtdorf

After The Storm

"On my knees and out of luck,
I look up.

You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart.

And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.

now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.

I'm scared of what's behind 
and what's before.

And there will come a time, 
with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, 
but dismiss your fears.
With grace in your heart 
and flowers in your hair."        -Mumford and Sons

This is what I long to feel like. This is what I'm striving to accomplish. These words are powerful. I'm falling short but I'm pushing the resentment out of my heart. I want to recover instead of rot. I want undying hope. I want to look towards the heavens confessing my faults. I no longer want fears controlling me.

I believe in kneeling.

Joan

Does society look down on the women who choose this route? 

We don't see statements like this often in the media, is she seen as brave or given up? I say, those who can be superwoman by juggling family, work and marriage life are impressive but the whole debate whether stay at home mom's and working moms are inferior/superior seems like one big fight that no one will ever win. 

Sounds Like Thanksgiving

I'm not sure if you know this small fact about me but I love to write down conversations from those around me. I write what I hear when I'm distracted and I'm oddly in the vicinity of several breakups. There are many that I feel are too private to share with the world but I liked this phone call I heard at my office today, I don't think he'd mind if he found out I typed it down either.

mom. for what? 

Didn't I just tell you...

Don't bring it. 

I have that.

You can't add more to what I'm doing because there's not enough time in the day. 

It can...

but so much time in the day and there's not enough time. I can't make this work anymore. It is ME.

leave that ALONE.

Not everybody can go home at 5. 

everybody is going to eat more than enough food. 

I'm just calling one person and that's not right. 

Freeze her food, there are things to be ready.

Yea but they are home during the day I'm coming home at 8:30 at night.

This...I'm going to disintegrate!

You cannot put too much pressure on one person.

I'm saying to you, you cannot put too much pressure...

if you keep adding more stuff, you're going to add more pressure. It won't help.

The food was...we can't finish it.

I'm saying there's enough food already!

Stop adding! That's what I'm saying, stop adding!

All I ask you is to meet me in the middle. 

Mom, you told me to add more and I'm saying to please leave it.

That's what I'm saying...to leave it alone. Leave it as it is. I'm saying the same as you, leave it as it is. 

It's going to be more than enough. Always, always! So you have to have faith in me. Nobody is going to go home hungry. 

What time are you guys getting home tonight? 

All right so I think I'm going to travel...so...start talking to you. 

I believe in Thanksgiving.

Understanding Italian

Got a lot of walking in today. Crossing a street near Penn Station, a man turned to me and started shouting in Italian. Funny, I've never taken Italian nor am I usually familiar with this language. I seemed to understand every word the man said.

"For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"

-Mark 8:36

A Crazy Man Named David and General Conference

I know, I missed my Sunday update but it's for good reason. To think we got to go to Oneonta for General conference is still a huge surprise. I don't know how we made that happen but it was needed. Just getting out of the busy of the city. So I spent the early days of the week researching and fact checking a crazy man named David. It really creeped me out actually because he was a real person and I can't say much more than that or you'll be able to look up how creepy he was too.

At night, I spent studying for my test that I was planning on taking Thursday morning so we could rush to Oneonta after that. I called Montclair University on Thursday morning to make sure it got there and it didn't. I also found out that to take a test there is 30/per hour. I've never been a fast or good test taker so this was a huge setback for me. I didn't know what to do, I got so anxious that I paced for hours biting my nails. I ended up deciding to send it back to BYU because it's only 15 bucks but this means that I will have waited for a whole month to take this test and I'm worried about finishing the entire class before November 26. They should have included that somewhere on the website where I requested the test the price, because that wasn't fair. I've already paid double the amount for this class than anyone at BYU currently has had to.

For General Conference I always write out 5 questions about my life that I could use some help with. This year I felt like I had a million questions but I somehow consolidated them into 5. It may not work for everyone but every-time I do this and intently listen, my questions are answered. Every. Time.

Without getting too specific, here are the main topics of my questions:
1 starting a family
2 school/work/spirit daily life
3 doubt
4  value of womanhood
5 mental/emotional illnesses

I received comfort to each of these:
1 Quentin L Cook, Henry B. Eyring and Dallin H. Oaks all addressed this for me.

2  Dallin H Oaks spoke on our priorities, Quentin L. Cook and I think it was Bednar that talked about tithing blessing in small and simple ways. Also, Packer inspired me in a way that I can be closer to the Lord and I know what I need to do now.

3 I don't doubt the church. I have been blessed to be around a lot of doubt here on the east coast which at first was really scary and uncomfortable. I've written pages and pages in my journal to walk myself through wrapping my head around everything I hear and the main thing you need to know is that I feel closer to God now than I ever have and that is in part of the exposure to doubt. How Dieter F. Uchtdorf approached the subject shocked me (read it all,) I don't know if they've addressed doubt before because I never really listened for it but he reached inside of my soul.

Certain phrases that stuck out to me in conference about doubt that I wrote down: "The church would only be perfect if it is run by perfect beings."-Dieter "Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith." -Dieter "When in doubt, look up." Adrian Ochoa "We will emerge victorious." President Monson and we sang "We Thank Thee O God for a Prophet"

4 Don't think I'm a crowd follower on this one either. I have a lot of thoughts on this subject but I'd love to discuss it in a more private matter. After making that documentary on my grandmother, I feel that we have a much stronger sex than we allow ourselves to think. It's never bad to hear about the potential of your gender and I felt comfort from:  D. Todd Christofferson spoke on Eunice the mother of Timothy, the influence of good women, our most fulfilling job on this earth and the innate moral power of women. Quentin L. Cook and Neil A Anderson also spoke on this subject addressing that the priesthood is not just for men.

5 Let me start off by saying that the week before, Dave and I were sitting in Sunday school when we were asked "Which prophet is your favorite prophet?" We heard a lot of people say, "David O McKay" "Gordon B Hinkley" "Thomas S Monson" and I whispered to Dave "George Albert Smith." Why? He was the first prophet filmed, he focused his life on loving those around him and I connect with everything I hear about him.
As for General Conference, I thought that in no way the topic of emotional illness would be addressed. People don't like to hear about it and people don't like to admit they have it. Jeffery R. Holland focused around this topic. Read/Listen to this talk in it's entirety. If you don't suffer from an illness I guarantee someone you know does and this will still be very important for you to know. Particular things that stuck out to me were: "Believe in miracles, hope is never lost." Rest. Then, he brought up my favorite prophet George Albert Smith. I didn't know that George suffered from severe depression, someone so loving and in the eyes of many was so successful and he even had depression. He didn't have the medicine or the therapists and he never committed suicide. See? That much more of a reason he is my favorite. I believe President Monson touched on the subject when he said, "I will not fail thee or forsake thee." And I don't remember who said it but they were talking about liberty jail and quoted my favorite scripture, D&C 121:7-9.

If you don't believe in the church, that's okay. Don't think I'm dumb if I do.

Statue of Liberty, Brooklyn Bridge and Ground Zero

This week started out rough. I felt dark and empty so I skimmed. I lived to the bare minimum to get by without being insincerely enthusiastic or pessimistic. Thank goodness that drool of a routine died down.  I do feel required to include less than perfect feelings in writings about my personal life because I'm not perfect, I fully recognize that, so I shouldn't ONLY present myself as a happy and up beat person. Especially since talking through my emotions helps me dominate them. Do recognize though that it STARTED in a negative way and ended by far has exceeding it's expectation.

Took this shot on my phone while running with Champ

Though I may be allergic to our furry friend, having a dog in the house really lifts my spirits. You cannot help but smile when you walk into the door and the dog is ecstatic enough to run around the whole house, jump on top of you to lick you and then make one more lap (all when it's bum is wiggling back and forth ferociously.) Champ and my relationship grew a ton this week. Every dog that I've gotten extremely close to has been able to read my emotion in a truly beneficial way. Dogs listen and know exactly the next steps in getting you out of the gutter. They let you know they are close, they keep your feet warm, they run with you. I cannot wait for him to return on monday.

This was one of the police reports in work, doesn't he look like Bruce Willis?

Work, which I usually love, was hard for another reason. One of the shows I have to work on is about two best friends killing each other and it seems cheesy but having to write word for word the gory details really weighs heavily on an individual. I get squeamish too so whenever I felt that twinge I got up and let the blood flow for a bit. Both Wednesday and Friday were spent doing that so it didn't help the attitude issues. I got back into running and it's so therapeutic for me. Champ doesn't like the way I run, he doesn't understand  if he is supposed to sprint or walk but apparently those are the only two exercises he's familiar with. This allows him to push me though to go farther and faster than my average pace.

I have an obsession with carousels as of late.

I've had a lot of inspiration from odd sources too. Random vimeo films, blogposts of people pouring out their souls in such depth, documentaries meant to scare me, a long talk with former LDS members, a conference on usually uncomfortable topics, a friend sent home unexpectedly...etc. I thought I would sit down and I could provide you a step by step list on how to rid yourself of doubts, or how to empathize with women in the world (yea, it kind of is a problem but don't think I'm an extreme) or how to treat loved ones who leave your belief system behind but I don't know. Everything is more "to each your own" than I originally thought. While I do want to write some thoughts that I have been happening because I think people can relate to things I have learned. I have not yet found an approach without sounding preachy preachy. Meanwhile, I'm going to continue to: Love deeply. Enjoy my locale. Listen. Live life for me.

We have a new nephew. His name is Franklin. Since I can't visit the babe, I liked this street we walked on.

Is this a flattering picture of me? No. But I was happy to be there so sue me.

This was at ground zero. There was a reverence surrounding it. A peace. A refuge. 

We went into the city together yesterday (Fri, Sept. 28) and really got to explore a new area of town. Hitting SoHo, the Brooklyn Bridge, that cool huge red cube, the financial district, some form of Ocktoberfest, and Ground Zero. I have some bomb awesome pictures on my 5D Mark ii but it takes a lot for me to want to plug it into my computer for some reason. I like having my pictures with me, reminding me that we both have a little secret. We are trying to go to Oneonta this weekend. We don't really have it in the budget but it is needed, our little European sanctuary in the woods, away from the chaos would be so helpful.

"Laughter is not at all a bad beginning of a friendship and it is far the best ending of one."

- Oscar Wilde 

Learning from the Places Where you are Presently Living

I found these words very inspiring.

10 Things I learned at BYU

1. I learned to love Charles Ives, Lyst, Arvo Pärt, Mahler, Shostakovich, and many other artists.
   
2. My eccentricities are wonderful and your cargo pants can’t do anything about it.
3. With enough Mormons in one place, I’ll find people who live the Gospel like I do.
4. My success is directly related what I do.   It’s a given that music industry people don’t care about my degree but I learned a lot about grabbing any opportunities that passed my way.
5. This one is a little more personal:  God put me here.  In fact, God’s cool with me pursuing music as a career.
6. Love is and is not what I thought it was.
7. I can make a home anywhere, it just takes work.  I love The Dollhouse and I’ve called it “home” for years now.
8. I shouldn’t worry about how other people live their lives.
9. The way to get better at something is to keep doing it.  Always.  Right now.  Keep doing it.
10. Being a proactive member of the community is enriching and more satisfying than I ever imagined.  Lots of people complain to me about Muse and some of their complaints are valid.  As annoying as it is to hear those ‘suggestions’, I find it much nicer to be one of the people that can fix issues than someone who just notices them.

More from Colin Hatch can be found here: http://thechatch.tumblr.com/post/50101604508/10-things-i-learned-at-byu.

The Stories that Bind Us

Dr. Duke said that children who have the most self-confidence have what he and Dr. Fivush call a strong “intergenerational self.” They know they belong to something bigger than themselves

Mr. Collins recommended that families create a mission statement similar to the ones companies and other organizations use to identify their core values.

Decades of research have shown that most happy families communicate effectively.When faced with a challenge, happy families, like happy people, just add a new chapter to their life story that shows them overcoming the hardship.

The bottom line: if you want a happier family, create, refine and retell the story of your family’s positive moments and your ability to bounce back from the difficult ones. That act alone may increase the odds that your family will thrive for many generations to come.

----This excerpt is taken from New York Times "The Family Stories that Bind Us" and illustrates principles I strongly believe in (I'd be surprised if you didn't believe in them as well.)

Ross McElwee Comes to BYU

Cred: Jordan Hunter. Because my picture was from too far away to even recognize these two.

Ross McElwee is my hero. 

Documentarian extraordinaire. 

Most famous for Shermans March, Six O'Clock News and Bright Leaves. Yet, after seeing a clip of his student work, I'm very interested in viewing Charleen.
By the end of the screening and two forums, I was filled with so much overwhelming emotion that I just cried to let it pour out. I feel so lucky. Though, I was in a sea of attentive eyes towards him, I just hope he knows how individually we all respect him as well.

Quotes and Advice from Ross McElwee:
How do you stay encouraged? It's good to make short films and try and make something magnificent from something small. Also, come up with good ideas because that's the best thing.
How should I educate myself? Read and watch what has been done before. He was highly influenced by southern literature, the new journalism movement and current events.
"I look for moments. It is just incredible luck."
"Acknowledge facts but that's not what the film should be about. Allow issues to be addressed but don't cover it."
"You should not be hoping for their vulnerability without you giving it."
"Everything was much more complicated than I thought it would be."
"The most interesting people in my life are religious and they are very intelligent."
-No Documentary filmmaker can explore every aspect of an issue in one film.
-Soften the blow. Allow filmmaking to help you come to terms with situations but it will not change the course. He never feels at peace but it helps him have a better reckoning.
-Don't view yourself as an exception, remember you too are a part of the world. Filmmaking shouldn't detach you or protect you from the world because it connects you to it.
-He explores, he doesn't seek to expose.

Answering a question on finding beauty around you and success in this line of business:

"You'll find it. You wouldn't be here if you didn't have hope for yourself."

3's a Charm

Remember this post in 2011?

And this one for 2012?

Well, three's a charm. I have a film in the FINAL CUT FILM FESTIVAL 2013!!!

I haven't really told anyone but the film that was selected is the trailer to my capstone. You can read about when my capstone was approved here, and about how the shooting went here. It's been on the down low because it's a really personal project, slightly controversial but I still believe I can pull it off. There is one place you can watch it online, only one, and you have to look for it but not too hard.

This was Grandma's response to the trailer: " Darling Lizzie-Your work is priceless. The screen is true. Difficult . Moved on. Life is still Great. Perhaps we try to shut out uncomfortable things (at least I do) but truly learn, some setbacks teach. I truly think your work is awesome. Thanks You have the facts. Love You Grandma" Hopefully that's a good sign?


Feel free to buy tickets at byuarts.com and check out the commercials they made this year. I feel so honored to be a part of helping out and leaving college with a bang of 3 years in a row of selected films in the festival.

I believe I'm in the right major.

People are depressed right now.
I can feel it.
They blink less, the smiles are more forced and the words that pour can't help themselves but be harsher, less patient and fearful.


It's exquisite.
It's honest.
Life is catching up with us.
We are forced to contemplate the questions we've been running away from.


These particular posts have resonated with my past pains, struggles and fears (and maybe a few I've been avoiding recently:)

 

When I Grow Up from The Academy on Vimeo.
"But He Said No."-Jessica Cooper
"On Body Image, Again."-Jennie Brown
"Being a Small Business Owners Wife."-Becky Pitcher
(^This one seemed to slap me in the face since it shows the reality of my field, my social pressures and our hopes of having our own business someday.)

I believe in aches. It's good for us.

Gail Halvorsen- The Candy Bomber

One of the many perks of working at a motion picture studio is you get to meet fantastic people. Even when a few visitors seem vaguely familiar, it's usually someone famous. Today, Gail Halvorsen came to visit Blair Treu (Blair gets the coolest visitors) and before he arrived Blair was telling me about his legacy. Apparently, Mr. Halvorsen is who many claim stopped WWIII. After a few of his stories I thought hey, he delivered candy from the sky and that would have been enough for me to think he's awesome but he also has a wikipedia page I couldn't resist. Feel free to check him out here!

Word from the Les Miserables (2012) Director: Tom Hooper

"I did wonder whether the form of musical would give me permission to loosen some of the sometimes-rigid constraints of being a realist; yet, at the same time, I felt very much that the key to making a musical work is to ground it in the real world. That tension between the desire to make it feel compellingly real and the desire to be more of an expressionist in some choices was a key dynamic that I navigated with Danny in shooting."
                                                                    -Tom Hooper

Instead of recording music tracks before the shoot and having the actors lip sync their songs during the shoot, Hooper had the actors record their numbers live on set hoping to get more emotion from a live performance. 

I believe in realism.

7am Finals

I'm lucky and get two finals at 7am this week. Joy.

But if they were all like the one I just had, it was worth it.
"I never dated a Nathan, I'm really bad with names."-Annie
"Well, all of the guys I dated were named Adam."-Tricia
"....Hahahahahaha! It's like the old woman that names her dog the same thing every time it dies and has to get another one!"-Sarah


Then, minutes later The Final Countdown starts blaring from the speakers as the last student gets up to turn in their test.
Almost instantaneously and without any hesitation, Greg gets on the stage dancing and mouthing the words to the empty seats before us.

I believe in teaching....assistants.