Remember a number of years ago on KBYU there was a credits list with running horses? I still think of that often. Since I was a little girl I always have imagined me riding bareback on one of the horses, racing into the horizon.

I wish I could say with words what I say with images. But maybe it’s better this way. 

Maybe the whole point is for self interpretation but I don’t want my words to just lump into a group of uninspiring bloggers. I want to evoke emotion. 

Whitopia

http://www.ted.com/talks/rich_benjamin_my_road_trip_through_the_whitest_towns_in_america?language=en

I found this interesting. Does it surprise you that a city in Utah made the “Whitopia” list? At a younger age, I would be defensive about people that criticize the lack of diversity in this state but as I’ve grown, I try to take feedback as constructively as possible. I agree that I have heard many extreme opinions about immigration and have been shocked at the racism I have witnessed here. So I would like to bring that up as an opportunity of improvement because it is not bad to be referred to as “pleasant” but that means we must strive to be inviting as well.

On another note, I find the information collected potentially lacking since it would be harder to find a rebuttal. I would love to live and immerse myself into the three most diverse cities in the nation. I would love to live in the conditions they live in and entertain myself with similar activities. I would love to observe how they go about their daily life but I am afraid of two potential issues with doing so: 1. I would be afraid of offending another culture, whether I try to incorporate jargin or imitating their cultural traditions 2. As a white woman, I don’t always feel safe in one of the safest cities in the world. Would you be concerned about those against my race or those that see me inferior because of my gender? If the social experiment cannot be performed by someone defined as opposite as this man, we are all missing crucial information on how we can grow as a country.

I Am Free

July is about freedom, right? So how did you free yourself this July?

It’s been a monumental month for my family and I. A new years goal I have constantly been trying to attain is….don’t let the things you are afraid of, hold you back any longer. That covers a lot of areas, would it for you? What are you afraid of saying? What are you afraid of looking like? Who are you too embarrassed to see because of something you did wrong? Are you accomplishing your what if’s? I tend to run from problems and try to hide under a rock but I’m not fooling anybody. 

I have spent too long hating myself.

I am free.

I am free to love the man of my dreams. He loves, respects and treats me very well.

I am no longer afraid to say I need anxiety medication.

I am free to feel peace.

I am free to feel better about myself

I am free to eat food that provides energy and long lasting nutrition

I am no longer ashamed to ask for money for my profession. 

I am no longer afraid to ask questions

I am no longer embarrassed of my work, each project has taught me millions.

I am free to research, zone out and learn as much as I can to become better.

I am no longer afraid to express my deep love for animals.

I am not afraid to disagree with someone, as long as I do so respectfully, with candor and honesty.

I am going to be free of destructive friends and not feel guilty about it.

I am not afraid to cry.

I am not afraid to dance.

I am free to say no. 

I am free to smile. 

I am free to make friends everywhere I go. (A few of those consist of a make up artist from Macy’s, the woman I sat next to on the plane, anyone I choose to sit next to at social events…etc)

I am no longer afraid to stand up for those I care about. They are worth it.

Yesterday, on our walk, I felt the full benefits of my freedoms. We are living our dreams. I watched my husband run full speed, barefoot, in a meadow, with a giant dog by his side. I know how happy that makes him. I watched my baby discover many new objects with great curiosity. I woke up early this morning, ran in the rain and finished a package of photos for a client. I have lost 20 lbs and feel that since I can get over an addiction to sugar, I can do anything.

I think of where I was on the 2nd of July: Anxious, Tired, Nervous about July, Depressed, Unmotivated, Spiritually hesitant, ashamed of myself, stuck, feeling worthless, and avoiding everyone. My symptoms became life-threatening. I couldn’t even fathom attempting to survive last week of the month. Last week happened, things didn’t go perfectly but I did what I could with what I had and was able to let go of the things I couldn’t control. There are triumphs worth celebrating. July is that for me and it once again returning to my favorite month position.