Applied

I have applied to 34 internships today alone.

That means, since December, I've applied to over 110 internships overall. And over 150 since September. Can you tell I really really want an internship? All it takes is one. Please Please Please Please Please Please please.

If I don't get one, or get one that actually really isn't worth it in the end then I need to be okay with trying as hard as I did because I really did try my best. Was there more I could've done?

Pet Names

Do I come up with good pet names or what?
My parents probably told me that I do because they don't want me naming any humans my creative names.

Check it out:

I want a small dog (like a scottish terrier.) Name: Mr. Bojangles (don't steal my name or I'll hunt you down.)

I want a big dog (like a great dane.) Name: Digby

I want two tiny turtles. Names: Barnaby and Chiffonade.

I want a fish. Name: Moby Dick.

 Names for my past animals have been: Mouse: Anthony Guinea Pigs: Hazel and Sylvia Dogs: Miles, Bandit, Rico Suave Hermit Crabs: Bert, Ernie and Oscar.

Not bad, right? My hidden talents.

I haven't cried in a while.
My eyes have leaked and I still get the pressure near my temples when they do but it's not like good crying.
Good crying is similar to throwing up. You can't help yourself, it is painful, embarrassing in public and is your body telling you something.

Adrenaline

Is adrenaline supposed to be a good thing? 

I feel like it gives me mood swings.

Adrenaline and I have seen a lot of each other lately. 

The numbing feeling it gave me with the New York interviews.

The looming cloud that hung over while trying desperately to finish edits.

The energetic/happy/nervous sensation of last night in our meeting.

Usually exercising helps but it hasn't, I can see my arm-hair always sticking up and have twinges that tiny men are running through my veins.

It's exciting that the earth is thawing.

I get more "promptings" than I have in a long time and they are truly mind-bogglers. Do they count as inspiration?

Sometimes I wonder if I have a "next big thing."

My dreams have been so disturbing at night, I try not to talk to them but when will they stop? They torment my innards and flash into my mind at unnecessary times.

I believe in adrenaline.

Golden Treasures of the Day

We pick and choose the "Thought of the Day" so to speak for our blogs but my mind contains more. Many of my thoughts were spurred from things patrolling their way around cyber space today. Though, they may seem random, these are the inspirations to me. Hope they can do the same.

*Film Idea: I want to make a web series (I have for a while now) that is simple yet works, a bucket list channel. Just short films of people accomplishing their goals and becoming fearless. Something similar to the video below with less focus on the words but simple definitions of the basic slang for each activity. No? I just need an accomplice or brave soul to be my feature.

EF - Live The Language - London from Albin Holmqvist on Vimeo.


*10 Adventure Trips That Give Back- National Geographic 

Volgem

*F. Scott Fitzgerald tip on writing:

1: Start by taking notes.

Fitzgerald made a habit of recording his stray thoughts and observations in notebooks. He organized the entries into categories like “Feelings and emotions,” “Conversations and things overheard” and “Descriptions of girls.” When Fitzgerald was giving writing advice to his mistress Sheilah Graham in the late 1930s, he advised her to do the same. 

^and I thought I was weird for doing this naturally.

Mindy Lee

*‎"His words in holy writ are sufficient: Be still, and know that I am God." -Psalm 46:10 What does it mean to be still? Also, is loud laughter really a terrible thing?

Dario Mitidieri

*I give you...my heart. You hear this phrase, "I give my heart out to the family." Which if you actually did tear through your chest (Indiana Jones style) it might disturb rather than help but in a way, I love this expression.

Annual Skirt Week

I'm fairly certain Annual Skirt Week started my freshmen year of highschool. We'll go with that.
Just three girls deciding to classy it up a bit.
Something to look forward to in February.
I found the "official" piece of paper that hung in our locker a while back but then I misplaced it again.
So, we made up our own from our favorite outfits today and told Jessica about it via email (since she now lives off the coast of Africa.)

Monday

Theme: Blue

Accessory: Bow

Hair: Straight

Tuesday

Theme: Yellow

Accessory: Dangly Earrings

Hair: Up

Wednesday

Theme: Southern Dress

Accessory: Necklace

Hair: Tight Curls

Thursday

Theme:  Black/Green/Purple

Accessory: Flowers

Hair: Half Up

Friday

Theme: Business Casual

Accessory: Bracelet

Hair: Loose Curls (my bad)

I believe in traditions.

People are depressed right now.
I can feel it.
They blink less, the smiles are more forced and the words that pour can't help themselves but be harsher, less patient and fearful.


It's exquisite.
It's honest.
Life is catching up with us.
We are forced to contemplate the questions we've been running away from.


These particular posts have resonated with my past pains, struggles and fears (and maybe a few I've been avoiding recently:)

 

When I Grow Up from The Academy on Vimeo.
"But He Said No."-Jessica Cooper
"On Body Image, Again."-Jennie Brown
"Being a Small Business Owners Wife."-Becky Pitcher
(^This one seemed to slap me in the face since it shows the reality of my field, my social pressures and our hopes of having our own business someday.)

I believe in aches. It's good for us.

Dear World, THANK YOU.

I need to count my blessings. RIGHT NOW!

Dave said that if I got sick today then I'd have an "unprecedented amount of sickness this year" which seems to be the only thing in my way of the surplus of blessings I've received this winter. My Winter bonus I suppose.

-Thanksgiving in SD
-A second car
-A Kimi Christmas
-Accepted into India and China
-Spent the coldest month in Africa
-Went to New York for the first time (now I know why Dave secretly wants to live there)
-Nominated to be SFA's Final Cut Film Festival Coordinator
-Friday, I have an  interview ッ
-I went to my first Jazz Game (Dave said I needed to add this)
-Annual Skirt Week has been reinstated
-Last weekend I got to see and be around so many people I care about. -Jessica Cooper, Doug Patterson (and everyone at his party,) Hannah Steward (and everyone that went to her homecoming,) Family,  Mr. Brown (and everyone from that time in my life.)

Just sayin, I believe in being grateful!

Gail Halvorsen- The Candy Bomber

One of the many perks of working at a motion picture studio is you get to meet fantastic people. Even when a few visitors seem vaguely familiar, it's usually someone famous. Today, Gail Halvorsen came to visit Blair Treu (Blair gets the coolest visitors) and before he arrived Blair was telling me about his legacy. Apparently, Mr. Halvorsen is who many claim stopped WWIII. After a few of his stories I thought hey, he delivered candy from the sky and that would have been enough for me to think he's awesome but he also has a wikipedia page I couldn't resist. Feel free to check him out here!

Making a Difference in the World

Last night, we heard a lovely speech by Doug Jackson who works with Deseret International and as a doctor who travels the world helping those in need. He spoke on what makes other people happy and how each of us can make a difference in the world. Of course charity and non-profit work catches my eye so if you feel similarly at all, here are his steps on getting started:

1. Be aware of the Charities out There 
Many times it costs money to volunteer but there are some non-profit that the money goes toward the cause and some that go into the back pocket of the directors. Feel out your options and trust your gut with your decisions.
2. Help Those Most in Need
Doug mentions this because he noticed a pattern in charity work, that people were going to go help people and asked a richer area that they were going to have an open clinic. While that was nice and free work, many of the people could already afford a doctor and those that couldn't didn't hear about the open clinic. This step requires research and more than word of mouth.
3. Let those you're Helping be Involved
What means more to you, a car that's given to you by a rich parent or a car you work for (at least at little bit?) Having those you're serving be involved will help them realize the impact it could have on the community. Doug talked about how he was with a group that just gave out glasses to those who needed them in a village and they didn't wear/take care of the glasses at all but when he asked for them to give something, anything, (a bag of rice) they cherished the glasses.
4. Create a Long Term Solution
If the volunteer work you are doing is temporary, the results will be temporary so have a game plan how the ripple can take effect on the people.
5. Sacrifice and Give until You Feel it
If you only give until you're tired, it won't have as much of a personal impact on you. Doug Jackson suggested sacrificing until it hurts and that's when the blessings pour upon you. Also that giving money is easy but providing help is more rewarding.
6. Locals know Better
Don't teach the locals how to fish when they know the pond better, this is another way to get them involved with what is happening. Though it's easy to think that the way we do things is the best way, it's not always the case and be willing to adapt to what meets the needs best. 

After the meeting I asked him if he had any recommendations for filmmakers who wanted to get involved documenting this type of work. Doug Jackson told me that every organization is looking for films to be made about what they are doing so research a good fit and go for it. Who wants to come with me this time?

The Embarrassing Evidence

A fan, self timer and a shallow depth of lens. What I do for my sister to see what my hair looks red. If only the last one were actually in focus.

My Irrational Love for Valentines Day

I have always ADORED Valentines Day, it never mattered whether I had a significant other in my life or not. In one way, I can partially blame this irrational obsession on my good friend Jessica Payton because this is her favorite holiday by far and she always had extravagant plans to celebrate. Since she is in Cape Verde this year, Sonia and I will honor her next week by re-instating Annual Skirt Week (you'll find out about it, don't worry.) To honor Sonia, I'm wearing the huge heart ring she gave me yesterday on a cupcake. And to honor this day, I dyed my hair red and after doing so I tried for a long time to get the perfect self timer picture and I failed hard core.

As for today today, I need to brag about my husband. It wasn't even noon and he already spoiled me with flowers, chocolate frogs, balloons and a stuffed animal. Who knows what's next!  We were both a little sad we would have to work today but it has turned out quite lovely, I get to deliver a ton of flowers and have gotten a lot of free food and treats. Dave's on surprise duty tonight and I'm sure that he'll do a perfect job. He is my happy ending.

Mary and sisters

Mary has been on my mind since we've returned which is odd since she didn't know any English and that barrier seemed to make her feel too uncomfortable to stay in the same room as us. She, Mirelle, Val and Alvine (the only one I haven't met) are all sisters and I may happen to enjoy the presence of bonded sisters who are also independent. Who knows why.

Here is a snippet of what I wrote about Mary while we were in Cameroon:

"We bought cloth for traditional clothes today. Mary (Val and Mirelle's sister) is hand sewing it for me and the design is amazing.

Mary's hair is incredible. She has a zipper in it and it's intertwined with orange and purple. As a matter of fact it's very common for women to dye their hair purple here. I love it. I am just waiting for someone to offer and then I'm going to join the club. I really would. I've wanted purple hair ever since that elderly woman in my home ward pulled it off so classy. The fact that Mary has purple hair and is sewing me a dress is enough for me to wish she could understand a small portion how happy I am about that."

I believe in zippers.

Part 1: The Volunteer Experience

I've been working on this all day and there is something still not right about it. I'll figure it out. Meanwhile, enjoy.

The Last Day in Bano

A reason I have been avoiding details about our great African adventures is because of my thread of sicknesses that followed, I've been knocked out all week by the worst of it with 4 infections, a fever and possible neurological issues. Today is the first day I have felt like I'm my normal self. I function almost up to speed.

Today also brought me back to the last day we spent in Bano. I loved that the villagers would linger at our compound every day all day, they just wanted to be around us for as long as they could and that was flattering. I always wanted to run a house where people felt welcome to come for no reason at all but to be and I got a taste of that in Bano. One of my absolute favorite moments though was when the chief, Albert, came up to me specifically to say something. He doesn't know a lot of English but what he did know was good enough for me to not forget. He told me that he would never forget that day and that he would never forget what we were doing for the village. He blessed my future and looked me in the eyes while he thanked me for my filming. I thought the purpose of our trip completely differently after that conversation, I didn't just want to make a film I knew I needed to do whatever I could to help that village progress.


Just so you have a little bit more of the back story, after re-structuring our story-line several times in my head and with the group (since our original main character was no longer living in the village.) We finally came to the conclusion that the story driven documentary for Cameroon should be focused on the chief because he has really instigated positive change in that village that had not been established before. I am almost sure that he is a huge part of Bano being okay with building the orphanage and that he will allow it for many more blessings to come for the people. From what I saw, he also was openhearted and humble which set a tone for the rest of the people there.

I believe in leaders.

At a Lack of Words

I know you know how I feel.

When there is too much to say some times its easier to keep quiet. To try and just absorb what happened to you rather than tick mark the many events in sequential order. Now that I am behind in the updates, it's hard to get the courage to update at all. 

Arrival in Yaounde

I love it here.

I love the heat and the humidity.

The moment it truly hit me that we were somewhere I've never could have imagined on my own was when we were flying over Alger and the sun was setting. The mountains looked like hundreds of smashed spiders and everything was red. Everything. It was so gorgeous that I now see how little this description captures it's finesse.

The only thing I didn't feel I prepared myself fully for are the bugs. There are so many and they come in a much bigger size here. They used to scare me so bad that I wouldn't go to the bathroom because of the spider above the toilet but now,  I find it slightly endearing that the cockroach still guards our bedroom door every night. He's an obvious protector.

I already have gorgeous pictures  even though I've been a bit camera shy since arrival. I'll try and upload some soon.

I woke up yesterday with a 5 year olds face right up close to mine. We shook hands. His name is Ragi. Guy and Mirelle's kids stick by our side whenever they are home. They don't know a lick of English but we appreciate the company.

The power goes out a lot which was hard for Dave because that meant that we had to sleep last night without the fan on. He sweats twice as much as the rest of us so I can only imagine how he felt.

I believe in jetlag.

Today, We Leave.

We are leaving the negative degree weather and by the end of the month, Dave and I will have gone to Vegas, Paris, Africa and New York. I could make promises of pictures and posts throughout the sabbatical but have no idea our internet situation so we'll have to play the updates by ear. If you don't know why we are going than you can read this post but in short, I'm living my dream and making a documentary in Africa.

Photo Cred

My worries (since you all ask:)
-I have had severe back pain
-Safety. As excited as I am, I cannot help but constantly think about my film equipment.
-The only phrases I know in French translate to be: Good evening, How are you? and the girl eats. None of which will help me in most situations
-That I will forget something crucial, my hard drive will crash or our luggage will get lost.
-Our planes are only giving us breakfast. I'm gonna need more food than breakfast on a 26 hour flight.
-That we will never be able to show how grateful we are to my in-laws Ron and Tina Fesler (and all the others who have supported this trip.) They made this happen, they've caught my vision and we kept seeing blessings show up on our door that hold their signature.

I'm excited to:
-Go to Africa. (When I was a child I dreamt of going there because of the wildlife and the nature, now, I want to capture it as best as I can.)
-Meet new faces
-Try new foods
-Feel warmth on my skin again
-Being able to be with Dave for 3 weeks straight
-Pay my dues to the dirt
-Spend a lot of time with Children
-To work and play at the same time
-Just everything about my near future

I believe in exploration.

Noorlanders

Today is our last day with the Noorlanders, all of the kids are acting as if they are dying after today. We've loved the time we got to spend with them this season. Here are some of my favorite Noorlander shots.

I believe in love.

Bold

Maybe it's because of the stark contrast of a warm, smooth, billowy sunset accompanying the dead black tree but that evening I could picture myself climbing up and tasting the sky.

I believe in burnt orange.