I'm Grateful That I Didn't Accept My Dream Job

I have a lot of things I'm grateful for that are pretty obvious but lately, I have gratitude towards things that I never thought I'd hear myself say.

I'm grateful I've gained weight

          I have always been self-conscious about my body. I find the people around me gorgeous and would go home avoiding anything with a reflection. It didn't seem possible that I would actually enjoy the look of my pregnant body but it may be the fact that my sweet baby girl is inside growing inside or that the pregnancy hormones really change my attitude on life. Either way, I really like this shift in perspectives.

I'm grateful that I didn't accept my dream job 

          I have to repeat this  sentence to myself several times before I actually begin to believe it. Rejecting these jobs shocked me to my core and I dealt with some depression in the area for quite some time but the thing is I knew it was right for me even if I didn't know why yet. Spending 3 months away from my husband while pregnant would have been a nightmare, let's be honest. I wouldn't be making enough money for it to seem worth it and 16 hour days would probably literally kill me. Sundance however, seemed to be dangling it's temptation in front of me and even after visiting, there are parts of me that wished I had considered it more. The person who has the job I would've had is really struggling with it I guess and knowing I could've stepped up to the plate, twinges my heart just a tad. 

          HOWEVER, I would have felt much worse if I accepted the job but couldn't give 100% effort in the end. The days are long, hard and all-consuming. Currently, I have circulation issues and  I pass out a lot. With all of the driving, I could have been in a very dangerous position. I'm exhausted much easier and I feel that my physical inadequacy would tear at my self worth as well as my performance. Even thinking about it overwhelms me. I'm glad they were so understanding as well as so happy to see me when I went up to visit. The cool thing about film is that those who are successful take their commitments seriously and have learned the skill of staying positive in situations anyone would feel justified complaining about.  It creates a very warm and trustworthy environment. I love that. The job I did accept is better than I could've even imagined. I have something to do every day, I have people to see everyday, I have a purpose and I have been able to save up some money for the upcoming craziness of motherhood.

I'm grateful I learned to say "no"

        When you invest so much emotional energy into relationships like I do, saying no seems nearly heartbreaking. Honestly, I have needed to take this time away from freelance projects for both my emotional and physical stability. Often my time hasn't been respected and my clients haven't followed through so being okay with not accepting the prospect in the beginning clears up any confusion follow suite. I've committed to a couple of projects because the people are very dear to my heart. The lighter workload will really allow me some time to prepare for my baby. Being liberated from the constant worry of whether or not I'll get paid or whether or not I can get a project done on time has really made me a happier person. A much needed break may not last long but I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts. 

I'm grateful God exists. And that he is loving.

         At times, it's hard to trust that there is a higher power with all of the destruction, sorrow and loneliness in our current world. I want to be an anchor in my belief in God. There are times, I haven't let Him in and felt isolated. I don't see doubts as sinful but rather an enabler for empowerment in the area.We are encouraged to search and ponder before we feel confirmations in our hearts and the church wouldn't have been restored if Joseph Smith hadn't had questions. 

         Something that helps me believe is to remember that every plant, animal and thing has a creator on this earth and this subtly hints that the pattern can be applied on an enormous scale. Our Creator is very difficult to fathom but so is the fact that space is so broad, it is unlikely we will ever have the opportunity to explore it in it's entirety. When I see the pain and hurt within our own church, I must remind myself that our God is loving. While I don't understand everything, a loving God brings me comfort. If change happens, let it be but I don't feel entitled to have the church change for me. I change for God because he loved us enough to send us a Savior who understands pain better than any mortal.These thoughts may not satisfy you and that's okay, find your peace.

I'm grateful I'm not a man.

         I really want my daughter to know this about me. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely grateful for the men in my life, they are very level headed and respect me as a member of an highly independent strong female family. I watched a documentary (that of course freaked me out) about how hard it is to raise a girl in this world without her feeling the pressure of being either a poster for a man or do everything that a man does simultaneously with women responsibilities. I'm having a daughter, she was created as a woman and I want her to be proud of that. I want her to know she has just as much potential as anyone else in this world. We aren't super heroes but I would like Penny to know there is a LOT of worth in being a woman just for the fact of being a WOMAN. 

I'm grateful I moved away from NYC

            I had an idealized view of New York before I moved there. People hype it up and in many ways, rightly so. We really enjoyed our stay and the people we met but no matter what I did, I was a misfit. I wish someone had warned me that it smells worse than Europe and that people value work there more than each other. It seems that your worth was determined by how many hours you worked last week or how much you make in a pay check rather than in other aspects. The hardest part about it for me, is I saw a lot of sadness that overtime rotted into bitterness. People who move to New York, do not move there to get the boring job. With a place filled with so much potential, it must also be filled with rejection. I felt like a lot of older people had lost their "sparkle" in their eyes, they didn't get their dream job as a Broadway music star and want to tell you by looking you in the eye with disgust. If you think you're going to make it, they are always there to say "you won't make it" "you are not good enough" or "I earned that." Of course that wasn't the case with everyone, I met a lot of optimistic people there too that had realistic views of their positions. 

           I just needed some time to realize that maybe it's not the place for me right now. I will love every time I visit. I definitely have friends that I will make an effort to see if I am out on the East coast. I really appreciate all of the job offers I have gotten from my connections and all of the faith my amazing crew has in my film career. It just may be a while before I feel like my little family will fit the culture.

I'm grateful my husband's past has made him the man he is today

           The list of what you want in a man that girls make every year from the time they are 12 is slightly misleading. Yes, it's a good guideline to look for the best man possible but perfection is impossible and the traits that are usually written may usually produce a good result but not always. My husband is an exception to many rules. If you look at his "resume" for marriage, you would never guess how impeccably amazing he is. Many of his best qualities were learned through some rough experiences and he decided to stick with God when he could've turned his back forever. I'd rather have a flawed man that I know will stand as a beacon of light during dark times, than a perfect man that as soon as they are faced with their first tough decision you don't know how they will respond because they have never faced it before. Dave is the bravest man I have ever met and others don't give him enough credit.

"I harbored an inadequacy and a sometimes debilitating depression that I was too afraid to tell anyone about for fear I would be perceived as weak, or worse--sinful. 
Just months before my high school graduation, all of these elements, coupled with a sense of impending doom and a fear of both the unknown and the inevitable, came crashing together to create a perfect storm. Years of shame and sorrow and fear led to a suicide attempt, the first aberration on an otherwise perfect record. I came up against the abyss, I stared into it and it stared, chillingly, back into me. Suddenly, death was real, and not a free pass into an eternity of blissing out with God and Jesus, and suddenly my depression wasn't something I could hide any longer."

-A Friend of Mine

My respect has grown, it takes guts to say this out loud to yourself but even more in a public setting. There is help.

I think I just experienced what I've always wished reunions with a close friend would be like.
It went so well, I'm tickled pink about it.
I miss Dave terribly but it's good Sundance is a second home to keep me sane.
There are good people in the world.

Lost Without You

My hubby and I woke up at 4:45 this morning so we could drive to the airport.
It's 9am and I already feel lost.
Who do I talk to?
I check my text messages every 15 minutes hoping to see a message from him but he's on a plane. It's not like I'm going to get one.
I have committed to myself to not be too clingy and it may be a bit harder than I originally assumed.
He will be in a cabin, in the woods, on a lake with no cell phone or internet service.
He could be mauled by a bear and nobody would find him.

I believe in over-analysis.

The Spelling Bee is similar to The Hunger Games

When sitting in the audience, you can't help but notice some of the brutal realities about the National Spelling Bee. What reminds you of putting a bunch of children barely of age against each other until there is only one survivor? To me, it's the Hunger Games. As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if Suzanne Collins watched the Spelling Bee when looking for inspiration for her wildly successful trilogy. 

Don't take me wrong, the Spelling Bee DEFINITELY is good. It encourages your children to gain as much knowledge as possible. These kids are incredibly smart and show an amazing amount of dedication/effort towards this competition. My worries start when I wonder if it is the child's choice to spend such a severe amount of time to studying for the Bee or in fact the parents. I'm never a huge fan of parents that thrust their children into fame, pageants, sports…etc at such an early age because I rarely think it's the child's choice in those cases. We didn't really meet any VICIOUS children or workers so I'm not here to complain about what an awful thing these people go through. Just a few ironic similarities between this event and a dystopian fiction world where kids compete for the entertainment of adults. 

1.One of the main announcers looks exactly like Effie Trinket. She had that superficial smile and an attitude that not only takes herself too seriously but glamorizes every event going on the week of the bee.

2. All of the competitors are young. The age limit is 14 and  in the past, the youngest competitor was 6. 

3. Quite a bit of your success depends on your "sponsors." The bigger the region you are representing, the better your sponsors will be. 

4. When the child is eliminated their face, rank and name are displayed on a huge screen. They might as well should've shot off cannons. 

4.The competition is held in a fancy place near the "Capitol." We were exactly 15 minutes from downtown Washington DC.

5. Some have been training to win the spelling bee since birth. Their parents won, their siblings won, it's their turn…

I over heard a conversation between two spellers and one said I only studied 3-4 hours a day and the other speller was like, that's not too bad. There was a kid from Jamaica that would travel two hours one way everyday to meet with a tutor for spelling. I'm telling you, the kids are intense.

6. There can only be one winner….oh wait, except for occasionally. Remember how it was so shocking when there are two winners at the end of the first book? Well, the spelling bee had co-champions this year for the first time in over 50 years. 

Despite these similarities to the Hunger Games, the event is very uplifting and inspiring. This nation CELEBRATES smarts! Isn't that incredible? Children that are shy, passionate about academics and extremely motivated are getting congratulated for their specific strengths. I'm glad there are events like this out there and that people care about children that aren't normally as popular as the others. More than half of the children knew more than one language, a number of them are first generation American's and all of them could spell better than me (remember how I have a college degree?) They deserve so much credit. Good for them. 

Motivation

A lack of motivation is something I've never had before. Even when I didn't want to do homework growing up, it gave me more motivation to finish asap so I wouldn't actually have to keep it on my mind.  So the fact that my energy has shifted drastically can be seen as a bad sign indeed, though with good reasons. In a way, my onslaught of unrealistic expectations I hold for myself caught up with me but I have never had this issue for so long before. Though I have plenty to do, the more that seems to come my way, the less I actually start to accomplish. I don't want to make excuses, this is unacceptable in my mind and it is something that worries me a bit. 

On the flip side, for the first time in my life, not having motivation seems to be the oddest blessing in disguise. I'm dedicating my life to the people and experiences that are the most valued to me. I spend the moments that I have free with my family with quality time. I soak in the sun on a lazy evening. I get sleep; probably more sleep than people need. I could blame it on a full-time job, you realize how much you have to prioritize your free time when you are working 40 hours a week and I'm very sorry that the 4 freelance projects I have on the side have not been my priority. Honestly though, that usually wouldn't effect my motivation THAT much. You could blame it on that tiny soul that has been consuming my mind for a bit now but even then, I don't want to "BLAME" anything on them, they bring me too much joy. I guess the worse conclusion I could jump to are the signs I have are common for depression but that would be really funny to me, is that bad? I finally feel like the fog has lifted, that I don't need to try as hard anymore, that my mind is clear and I can laugh unadulterated….to me, that does not sound like depression. I could be avoiding the things I wish I were better at, lately if I do take the plunge and attempt to get back into video/photo stuff I just get so embarrassed. I wish I knew everything about it, I were perfect at it, I wish that I would look at my past pictures/projects and be proud rather than immediately see the flaws. 

Speaking of flawed, as a woman I inherited that nasty habit of being embarrassed of my body. Don't go there, it's not worth it and consider yourself lucky if you didn't have this problem. I of course assumed that with the current changes happening to my body, that I would be too embarrassed to even go outside. Interestingly enough, I love it. I know this love will probably eventually change but I looked at myself on my birthday morning and I thought to myself, how beautiful. 

Weird…

So far, when someone has said "Happy Birthday!" to me this fine morning, I have replied "Happy Birthday!" back. Haha whoops :)

Fragile Feet

Yesterday morning Dave asked if I would trim his neck hair, it's a common thing that I'm totally fine doing. When I stood up to accomplish the task, something happened that has never happened before. I began saying "uh oh" several times and less than 15 seconds later I was on the ground, I had fallen because my feet fell asleep and it was quite embarrassing. The tingling was overwhelming but it was also hilarious. 

Today, I looked down at breakfast and my feet were purple. There is something going on with my feet.

I was going to post a song called fragile but I haven't looked through the lyrics to make sure they are appropriate for all ages. So look it up if you want, tech n9ne.

Workman Family

Great family on the website and Facebook. www.feslerfilms.wordpress.com

Dinosaur Knocking at My Door

Guys, I think about this ALL of the time. I don't know why. Worse things have happened. Don't be afraid of it. It's your friend.

64 Facts That Will Make You Feel Happy

Too Good Not to Share

64 Mind-Blowing Facts That Will Make You Feel Incredibly Happy

1. Every year, hundreds of new trees grow because of squirrels forgetting where they buried their nuts.

2. There is a basketball court on the top floor of the U.S. Supreme Court Building. It’s known as the “highest court in the land.”

3. Even if they’ve never been able to witness it themselves, blind people smile when they are happy. Smiling is a basic human instinct.

4. Cows have best friends and they tend to spend most of their time together.

Via Flickr: neilsingapore

5. Otters hold hands when they sleep so they don’t float away from one another.

6. Also, there’s a special pocket in their skin where they carry their favorite rock.

Via Flickr: 16046854@N00

8. Wayne Allwine and Russi Taylor, who respectively voiced Mickey and Minnie Mouse, were married in real life.

9. Rats and mice are ticklish, and even laugh when tickled.

11. The Roman Emperor Caligula once declared war on Neptune, the god of the seas. His men ran to the ocean and stabbed at the water.

12. Caligula then declared victory, and commanded his men to collect seashells as war trophies.

13. The official Space Jam website has not changed since 1996.

Via www2.warnerbros.com

14. The voice of Winnie the Pooh and Tigger, Jim Cummings, calls children’s hospitals in his spare time to cheer up sick children.

15. Blind Willie Johnson was blinded by his mother as a child, and he died of pneumonia in the burnt remains of his house in 1945. In 2004, he became an ambassador for life on Earth when the Voyager I left our solar system with a recording of his song “Dark Was the Night, Cold Was the Ground” aboard.

16. The day of his assassination, Martin Luther King Jr. got in a pillow fight in his hotel room.

17. There’s a prison in Washington that offers inmates pet cats for rehabilitation.

Via kptv.com

18. Apollo 17 astronaut Gene Cernan wrote his daughter’s initials on the surface of the moon. The initials “TDC” are still there, and likely will be for tens of thousands of years.

19. A cat version of the corgi exits: the munchkin cat.

Victoria Ristenbatt/Flickr Creative Commons; Clarke Thomas/Flickr Creative Commons

20. A group of flamingos is called a flamboyance.

21. And a group of pugs is called a grumble.

Via google.com

22. A group of kittens is called a kindle.

23. A group of hedgehogs is called a prickle.

Via Flickr: idalingi

24. A group of cats is called a cloudier.

25. And a group of bunnies is called a fluffle.

Via Flickr: firebrat

26. At one point, very briefly, you were the youngest person on the planet.

27. Cuddling can help wounds heal faster, due to the release of oxytocin.

28. It also releases serotonin, which can improve one’s mood and fight depression.

29. Sea horses mate for life and travel holding each other’s tails.

30. Not only do penguins mate for life, but they also spend time finding a pebble to give their mate in order to “propose.”

31. When you shave a guinea pig it looks like a little hippo.

Via bforbel.com

32. Worms communicate by snuggling.

33. Butterflies taste with their feet.

34. Somewhere, someone is having the best day of their life.

35. Norway once knighted a penguin.

(The penguin’s full name is Colonel-in-Chief Sir Nils Olav.) Via Reuters

36. Puffins also mate for life.

37. And baby puffins are called pufflings.

Andreas Mulder / Via andreasmulder.com

38. During the Christmas Truce of 1914, German and British soldiers played a game of soccer in the “no man’s land” between trenches.

39. Seventeen-year-old Jackie Mitchell, one of the first female pitchers in professional baseball, struck out both Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig in 1931.

40. Baby echidnas are called puggles.

41. Zach Braff, who played JD on Scrubs, and Donald Faison, who played Turk, are actually best friends in real life.

42. Charlie and the waitress from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia are married in real life.

Amanda Edwards / WireImage

43. There have been studies that show that goats, like us, have accents.

44. Male pups will sometimes let female pups “win” when they play-fight so they can get to know them better.

45. Cats bring you dead animals because they think you’re just a crappy cat that can’t survive on its own. Cats bring you presents!

46. The elephant shrew’s closest relative isn’t a shrew — it’s actually an elephant.

Via Flickr: nationalzoo

47. Red pandas can have tails that grow up to 19 inches — despite being the size of a house cat.

48. Dolphins have names for one another.

49. In Welsh folklore, corgis were the preferred method of transportation for fairies.

50. There’s a competition in Sweden called Kaninhoppning, or rabbit show jumping.

Via kaninhoppning.ifokus.se

51. Octopuses actually do make gardens by collecting stones and shiny things and arranging them in the sand. Ringo was right.

52. There is no angry way to say the word “bubbles.”

53. The only member of ZZ Top who does not have a beard is the drummer, Frank Beard.

54. The kingdom of Bhutan uses “gross national happiness” as a key national indicator.

55. When rabbits get really excited and start to jump around, it’s called a binky.

Via onlylolgifs.net

56. Mister Rogers was given the honors of pouring the wax that made the 1,000,000,000th Crayola crayon.

57. Newborn giant pandas are about the size of a stick of butter.

Via pandapandapanda.com

58. No two dogs’ nose prints are the same, much like human fingerprints.

59. Katy Perry has a cat named Kitty Purry.

Via youtube.com

60. Canadians eat more doughnuts than any other country.

61. They also eat the most Kraft Mac and Cheese.

62. In April 1930, the BBC reported that there was no news that day, and played piano music instead.

63. You can tickle a penguin.

youtube.com

64. And always keep in mind, no matter how bad you might feel, you’ll never be as ugly as the world’s ugliest animal: the blobfish.

Silence vs. Violence

When we hear a tough message, we often resort to one of two unhealthy behaviors: Violence or Silence.

Violent: Aggressive, defensive, yelling, threatening, lash out, say things you don't mean in the heat of the moment, focused on being right, focused on being heard…etc

Silent: Withdraw from tough conversations, avoid the main issue, say you're okay with something when you're not, don't fully express your thoughts, give silent treatment, walk out of the room, wait later to voice opinion through electronic forms…etc

For example, let's say you are presenting an idea that means a lot to you in front of a group of people and the group is not thrilled with the idea. A violent person in this situation might take full control over the conversation defending why this is not only the BEST idea that's been presented but the ONLY idea they're willing to work on. They become bossy, shutting down the ideas/revisions of others, stuck on why they are right and the others are wrong. A silent person as the presenter might try and defend in the beginning, start withdrawing or avoiding comments but feel like it's a lost cause. Extreme silent people may even stop saying anything or get so frustrated they leave the conversation abruptly. They are also stuck on why they are right and the others are wrong. Neither personality leaves the meeting reassured nor happy. 

How to discover which behavior you tend to be: 

(note that you can often change with different people, places or phases of life)

Think to a conversation that didn't go well in your recent past. Now, think realistically of what emotions triggered you, then you physical response to the situation and then how these two things made you behave.

Violence Physical Triggers: Pointing fingers, hands on hips, raising voice, balling up fists, tense muscles, accelerated heartbeat…etc

Silence Physical Triggers: Folding arms, avoiding eye contact, tense muscles, knot in stomach, urge to cry, look for an escape route (door,) removing yourself from the room…etc

So, why should you care if you are a violence or a silence?

Honestly, there are negative repercussions to not resolving a problem fully. When a violent person lashes out, they may think that others are agreeing with them when in reality, they probably just lost a lot of respect for them. You may have just burned a bridge you didn't know about and it will take significant time to repair that relationship. When a silent person can't be honest they often turn to gossiping and venting to others instead of dealing with the person that can help solve the issue. In some cases, they can begin to have displacement issues in which they take the problems out on someone else. Either way, you let your emotions get in the way of coming to an agreeable resolution and are in a downward spiral of self-destruction. Believe it.

It's also very helpful to recognize when your emotions are taking control over yourself or recognizing these signs in another person so you can have healthier conversations. In these experience, you may  find yourself being able to calm your emotions before you resort to your violent or silent nature. 

Personally, finding out I'm an EXTREME silent has been such an eye opener to me. Making sense of the behaviors I don't like in myself, I can usually pinpoint a conversation that I avoided, didn't feel heard or even physically ran out of the room to get out of. It has hurt my relationships with others, it has significantly lowered my self esteem and at times I grovel to complaining to others about the situation instead of trying to fix it. 

Why I'm an extreme silence: 

-I say "It's fine" when I'm not or "I forgive you" when I haven't 

-I HATE/AVOID answering the phone even if I'm pretty sure the person on the other line will only say nice and flowery things
-I usually make a bullet point list of exactly what I am going to say on a phone call if I absolutely have to talk to someone

-I used to text serious conversations instead of being willing to talk face-to-face,  I cry when I feel uncomfortable 

-I would hold my breath until I got what I wanted as a child 

-I used to feel like I didn't belong in my family. They are all Violence in these situations, they are blunt, direct and it used to be very overwhelming to me. Being the only daughter that is truly silent (maybe Katie but she grew out of it) they didn't understand the way I worked and vice versa. 

-I hold grudges easily 

-I avoid grocery stores where I could possibly encounter someone I don't feel prepared to talk to, 

-there is always a point I become too overwhelmed to continue and physically RUN away from the situation. Ask my husband Dave, he can tell you a number of times that he has had to follow me out the door during a heated discussion, not necessarily to continue the conversation but to make sure I was safe roaming around Provo at 3am. 

I have had these habits for so long that I haven't fully resolved poorly handled situations emotionally. Thus resulting in projected the effects of negative experiences onto my expectations of others. So, if one person in my life has a pattern of falling short in being reliable, I expect anyone who cancels plans doesn't truly care about me and try to write them off forever. I also care deeply about my relationships with other people and have had a history of forgiving people too quickly, pretty much giving them permission to continue their poor behavior. By not talking to them about how much it actually hurt me, it prompted them to do it again. I knew Dave was good at conversations before I married him, the balance between violence and silence is where healthy dialogue falls. It also is something the Fesler's practice naturally with one another as well as letting go of the situations that you have no more control over instead of dwelling on them. 

Easter 2014

Full-time Worker

An interesting thing about attempting to be more honest with your writing is that it tends to be more ego-centric and often negative. Well, simply, I need to work on me before I can expect the world to conform to whatever I hope to accomplish. So bear with my selfish and whiny posts, I'll try to keep them to a minimum. As a matter of fact, I attended a training this past week that I believe will help me recognize where to go from here. 

Things that DON'T ONLY INVOLVE ME:

-The people I work with are awesome, need proof? This is how I was welcomed on my first day of work.

-Other than this, I've been learning a new side of things, asking for production bids, seeing how companies/contractors set realistic budgets (did you know $50,000 for one international video is a GREAT deal? I never would have guessed…I have to force myself to not feel like I've been taken advantage of as a video professional)

-Let's follow up on content, COULD I HAVE PICKED A MORE BENEFICIAL COMPANY TO BE INVOLVED WITH? Seriously, I feel like I'm getting paid for therapy. Every video I've worked on is how to strengthen yourself and build the relationships around you. Let me know if you want to be involved with a training, they take up two full work days but you won't regret it.

"We judge ourselves by our intentions,

we judge others by their actions."

-JD

After The Storm

"On my knees and out of luck,
I look up.

You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart.

And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.

now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.

I'm scared of what's behind 
and what's before.

And there will come a time, 
with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, 
but dismiss your fears.
With grace in your heart 
and flowers in your hair."        -Mumford and Sons

This is what I long to feel like. This is what I'm striving to accomplish. These words are powerful. I'm falling short but I'm pushing the resentment out of my heart. I want to recover instead of rot. I want undying hope. I want to look towards the heavens confessing my faults. I no longer want fears controlling me.

I believe in kneeling.

Remember Vividly

Remember this? She's a brilliant villain. 

He knows I will follow Him, give all my life to Him.

Does He really know that though? I don't write a lot of posts about my religious beliefs, it's a very personal and important topic for me. Not really up for discussion. I get small impressions. My style of missionary work is very different than what a typical member might believe is right but when it comes to people, we're all made different for a reason. If we are all supposed to play on our talents and strengths, my strength is on a one on one basis. I'm better at  talking quietly to a friend than being comfortable in a big group of people. The Lord primarily speaks to me through quiet and calm feelings, not big loud trumpets in my ear and that used to bug me. I wanted what everyone else had, the BIG moments. The times you knew without a doubt that the Lord wanted you and only you to do the task at hand. The more I thought about it though (thanks to my Papa,) maybe it's a compliment to me that He doesn't need to yell in my ear for me to listen. As a matter of fact, I usually don't feel much until I have made the decision on my own and then the Lord will confirm whether or not he agrees with my choice. It's very trusting on his part but there are times I know I could be doing more. 

This phrase has weighed on my mind a lot, "He knows I will follow Him, give all my life to Him"-I feel my Savior's Love. Maybe because I feel what best describes the way I feel about myself is "To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as I, that He should extend his great love unto such as I." I know I don't deserve his love. I'm a very flawed individual. So as I attempt to be mildly less selfish than usual, I'm going to try and really do what I believe God would think is best. So far, it's been a success.

Baby I'm Yours

April Fools

We put baking soda in Dave's water. With most of the responses we got from the prank it was shock, appalled and then spitting the water out.

Our eyes bugged out when we watched Dave chug the entire glass. He looked at us and said, "what?"

I guess he didn't taste a thing.