5 months

Audrey got baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. This is from that day.

 This day we just had a lot of fun with the camera and my bubbly little girl.

 what happened to this picture...

 I just like how many rolls she has on her arms in this picture.

And take a look at how impressive the rolls are on her back.

 For Valentines Day we went around to significant places from our dating history and took pictures of penny in the spots. On the day I met my husband, he offered me his seat, right here. At the Patterson's house.

I just love the progression of these photos. Penny loves her daddy and she loves books so it was wonderful to see how incredibly happy she was when Dave read her the bedtime story.

This is Dave's favorite pic from the month because this is the first day we did something new with her hair. 

Two pigtails are a little small for her 90% head.

This is at the Oscars party that we had. 

What's New:

Penny: There were a lot of firsts this month. 

-She rolled over. 

-She can shake her rattle. 

-She just barely had her first bite of solid food (I have record of it but I haven't transferred it to the computer yet.) 

-She sings to us all day and she loves the word "dada." Dave doesn't think it counts but I do so ha. 

Dave:

-Put in his two weeks notice, he stops working on the 6th of March.

-Is growing out his hair so he can get the works for his christmas present I gave him at his favorite barber.

-Accepted into Dev Mountain and is finishing Code Academy

-Loses our love bets all of the time and will have to wear a fake tattoo of my choosing at work all day (I'm thinking disney princess, what do you think?)

Lizi:

-Got offered her job back at VitalSmarts

-Cried about it a lot. Happy and sad cry, Penny gets quite confused when it happens.
-A coworker from Sundance passed away this month. The whole situations was numbing.

-Put a lot of preparation into the Oscars party. I'm not sure why it meant so much to me.

-Have 4 Timeless series interviews DONE. 

UnSpoken

There are so many times where I feel that I should've said something but I stopped myself. At times, I am grateful. For the few times I felt "brave" enough to spit out the truth, I have many regrets of the path it lead. But then there were the other times when the truth spoken in the wrong moment felt liberating.

I asked, "did you kiss her tonight?"
Chris said, "Let me explain..."
"I don't want an explanation, I just want an answer to the question."
"...yes."
"Then, we are done. You knew that this would be the result."

I walked out the backdoor of my home, leaving the 30 guests who were playing games at the party I organized and I ran. I don't know how long I was gone but I was gone long enough to know it was the right thing to break up with someone who doesn't respect me. As I walked back, I could see him on my front lawn in the swing and I hesitated at returning but I breathed in my courage and took the steps forward to his side.

He cried. It was ugly. I thought men didn't cry because they thought it wasn't manly but maybe it's because they aren't good at it. He begged for another chance. I simply reminded him this was already his second chance, she was my best friend (or so I thought) and the truth: I had lost all attraction to him the moment he cheated. I couldn't deny it. I wasn't angry or sad or worried I'd never find another. I simply lost interest.


David wasn't like the other boys. He focused on one girl at a time. It was new.

I didn't know there were people in the world like him. He wasn't interested in women that juggled a variety of men. Yet, somehow all I had known were guys who bragged about all of the mistakes they made so I thought that was the cool thing to do. I still don't know why Dave took a liking to me. We had conversations I actually looked forward to. He would keep his distance when he was dating other women. He became my best friend when I thought all of my other friends had forgotten me (or were stuck in Korea.) I loved him before we even dated, before our feet touched, before we kissed, before our elbows touched in the movie theater, before all of it I loved the person he was. Slowly, I fell in love with him as well and knew he was the best decision I ever met.

4 Months

Love her. None of these pictures are edited btw. Just because I could spend weeks editing pictures and never actually getting around to posting them. We obviously take a lot of pictures but I could do better about sharing them. These are my favorites, not necessarily the best. She just has so much expression in her face.

I believe in cozy.

The Middle of The Night

When 6pm arrived, I would dread the hours to come. I felt the stinging in my eyebrows, bringing fear and anger at the process of getting no sleep night after night. But there comes a time,when they baby and you have a schedule in sync with one another and the anxiety stops. You learn to accept the inevitable of the darkness. I have taken a step beyond acceptance.

I know the world is sleeping. I have grown fond of the calm. I become acquainted with myself. I make plans, not the kind of plans I used to make of excitement and drama but better plans. I whisper my inner desires to myself. I relish in the quiet. I relive the regrets of the day and ponder the small victories. The night and I know each other well now. Knowing that a minute won't make a much of a difference, I look as serenity lays on the expression of the two I love as they slumber. I am welcomed into the night's arms and when I return to bed I sink deeply in.

The night and I know each other well.

Small update

I'm working on a 2014 Review but it's long and slightly depressing so I may not post it.

Penny turned 3 months on Christmas day.
-she makes an italian fist with her hand and shakes it at me like this
-Her favorite word to say is "glue" I pretend that she is saying "I love you" because it sounds kind of similar
-She had her first sickness. It was sad to witness. She officially has an ear infection and we are working on recovering. She was doing great with her bedtime routine before she got it so let's hope she keeps that up.
-I filmed 5 seconds every hour of her Christmas day and I'll put that video together....sometime.
-Penny was our New Years Kiss!

I believe in family.

My poor Baby Puts Up With Me

https://feslerfilms.wordpress.com/2014/12/20/christmas-baby/

2 1/2 Months - What's new

PENNY
-SMILES. They melt my heart. I try to go to bed but if Penny flashes that smile at me, some how an hour has past without me realizing it.

Penny showing her namesake her mad singing skills.

-She loves being sung to and loves singing. Believe me, we went to Lucy Bradshaw's Annie performance and Penny was not quiet about how she wanted to sing the songs so we spent that time in the hallway. We heard this past week from Becca that she doesn't care if the person is deaf, she still loves being sung to. I heard from Isaac Bradshaw that she likes the song "Everything is Awesome," Erika thinks she prefers music from Phantom of the Opera, our upstair neighbor girls sing "A Life That's Good" from the TV show Nashville and Papa has had the song "Little Girls" stuck in his head for a while now. Penny and I always listen to music to dance/sing to while making food and some of her favorites for that activity are "Pennies from Heaven," "Didn't Leave Nobody but the Baby" (such a sad song,) "Parachute" and "Fresh Feeling." I have a musical baby guys.
-Her reflux still makes her fussy most nights but it's not half as bad as it used to be. We are so happy about modern medicine.
-Penny filled out. She has big eyes but now that she has put on some weight, her eyes look significantly smaller than they used to. She uses her cheeks as a head rest on her shoulders. She has a triple chin that we call her "4 smiles."
-Had her first Thanksgiving and already perfected the food coma! We snuggled all day last Thursday, it was the best gift she could have given me.


DAVE
-Blessed our child and did such a wonderful job at it.

-Got called up to speak on a whim. Or so he thinks. Since she didn't get blessed on a fast Sunday, I was a bit bummed that I wouldn't have a good excuse to force Dave to bear his testimony. So secretly I prayed that somehow he would be called up to speak. The Sunday before her blessing, Penny pooped through her outfit during Sacrament so I went to the changing room. We were the only ones in there so when the bishop explained he would be picking people randomly from the audience to bear their testimonies, both of us said "Dave Fesler" after every pick. Then, Bishop said "Brother Fesler" and Penny smiled so big. We hurried back in and the nervous daddy gave a great testimony on love.
-Decided he didn't like the current lights on our Christmas tree so he cut them all off (believe it or not it's very time consuming to do) and bought new ones.
-Dances with Penny every night to this song (stop before 1:55) Penny kicks along ferciously and takes her dancing very seriously.

LIZI
-Went back to work and put in her two weeks notice. She misses Penny so much during the day and has decided that she can get way too caught up in work so she has to cut it off. I have had mixed feelings about leaving the workforce ever since I started. As soon as I could run after giving birth, that's what I would focus all of my energy into. Deciding what to do even though I have had an inkling since March. We tried every option and my position honestly wouldn't work part time or at home. So I'm looking for a worthy replacement.
-Contributed to the production of this web series (I did a little on this BSGuys but more on a few others that are scheduled to come out once a month...)

-Christmas has occupied so much of my time. I'm so worried about it! Dave has always been a great gift-giver and this year I wanted to be a great one too. So I made lists and took notes all year long of things he mentioned he likes and I'm ALL IN. I'm spending money that I usually wouldn't. THIS IS MY YEAR. It's gonna be good...

Somebody NEEDS You

One of the best and hardest parts about being a mother is that somebody NEEDS you.

This is the first time in my life that I am actually a necessity.
I enjoy being married.
I enjoy working.
I enjoy video production, editing, free-time, photography, writing, art, ceramics and a number of other activities.

BUT
If I didn't show, if I didn't dedicate time that day, if I was sick, if I decided to stop doing those things all together... they would survive without me.

As a mom my baby needs me; and specifically me.

When I remind myself of this purpose, waking up in the middle of the night, being patient if she is crying and spending the money to help her health not only is worth it but is much easier.
If I'm focused on myself however, I quickly can get caught up on the new pains of healing/breastfeeding, the lack of social interaction and the inconvenience of the time it truly takes. I won't lie, at times I fall into the latter state and want pity but recognizing that when I focus on the adorable child grinning at me instead of the selfish desires, I melt.
Knowing that she needs me not only has added purpose to my life, but has breathed depth and soul into my future. There will be a day she no longer needs me and I have decided that's when I probably will need her even more than ever.

It's nice to be needed.

Toes

Bearded feet from Fesler Films on Vimeo.

Trying to keep up by documenting some of my favorite small habits penny does. This is one of them.

The Power of a Smile

Remember how we were praying and hoping and begging that Penny would start to feel better? Well, she did. Not only that but she LOVES to smile. She is such a delight. We love her. Not that we didn't before but now it feels like there is even more of her to love.

Acid Reflux and an X-Ray

Considering the fact that Penny was almost two hours past eating, she did great in a test we had to do in the hospital.

Why did we have to do it? She gags until she turns blue sometimes so we needed to make sure all of her internal organs were working properly. They are. We did however see that even after four swallows of the testing substance, penny refluxed four times and that's on her reflux medicine.

I see glimpses of her throughout the day. They don't last long but I can tell when it's actually her personality before her stomach starts to hurt. It doesn't take long for her tummy to start giving her troubles and I just wish I could be more helpful to her. I have faith we will figure it out. The diet is done, I've been adding something in once a day and I can't tell if it makes a difference because she just seems miserable regardless. Someday.

Good news! Here are some evolution pictures of the last 5 weeks from my phone: