I TAKE IT ALL BACK.

What a glorious, beautiful, wonderful absolutely gorgeous day. No tears my friends. We walked right up to the MTC sidewalk and pure happiness hit. Then, I realized. I cried for two days straight thinking of all of the selfish "she's leaving me" boohoo's and then when it all got down to the moment, it never was about me. Jessica is going on a mission to AFRICA! She will conquer.

People Leave

I sat there and all of the selfish thoughts flooded my eye sockets, urging me to beg you to not leave me. But we both know. Even an impressive session of gnashing my teeth, collapsing into a screaming ball to the floor or throwing all sorts of tissy fits won't matter. If only we were still children and temper tantrums did the trick (and were socially acceptable.)

But we both know.
Why don't we always want the situation that is for the best? Why is it that the older you get, the less ready you feel? I miss little Lizi who could take on anything. She was Fort Knox and this would be no big deal. Instead, I'll stand by you anyway trying to crack jokes (curse you ---> humor when I'm uncomfortable.)

But we both know. That you sacrificed your germophobia to grant me my last request. That everyone is proud that you're taking this huge leap of faith. That I'm in denial but in reality very happy for you. I know you'll come back for me some day and I'm saving all of my dandelion wishes so you don't find a better best friend.

Cozy Getaway Weekend

Surrounded by people I love.

Inspired by a Grandmother and bodybuilding barber for a Grandpa.

Birthday fortune cookies.

Completed a nearly impossible task.

Watched a cougar capture.

Became a hungry hungry hippo.

Rekindled Sunday game nights.
Cried. Hard. The only outpouring process of excessive emotion.

Took a hike.

I believe in laugh-lines.

A No-Good Very Bad Post

You ignored me because you thought I was fat.

You said I was lame because I grew up in Utah.

You pointed out that I'm not from the rich/popular neighborhood.

You told me I was foolish to believe in God.

At first, I didn't believe any of you. Then as the repetition occurred, slowly, the words stung.

However. . . .
You got fat.
You came to live in Utah.
You can't save any money because you want to keep up appearances for your neighborhood.
God sure has not given up on me so I refuse to lose faith in Him.

And I'm the one who's supposed to feel sorry for myself?

I took the Jarvis family pictures. 

With my new lens. We've got quite a few winners.

I'm taking off for another film shoot today.

Pray for me. This film is very dear to my heart. 

I believe in smiles.

Today is Wednesday

Wednesdays are often my frenemy. You understand, don't you?

If the only thing you want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep until friday afternoon, I've been there. Try watching this, you won't regret it.

I believe in believers.

Turning 22

Hairy Chest organized a horse ride.

Watched the sunset from quite a view.



My first pedicure. . .tickled.

Not counting the bajillion people that took a moment from their day to wish me happy birthday. Every last bit was appreciated.

Great friends. Great family. Great fun.

A Melting Pot of Expression

After 15 sit down interviews, 7 time-lapses, 6 flights (including layovers), 15 hour-a-day filming schedules, a ridiculously small amount of sleep, hundreds of self timed photos, several unique encounters with the homeless, 1 full terabyte of raw footage, 2 coasts on the opposite sides of the country, 100 new songs, several new edible dishes, 16 new faces to adore and a semi close film crew that now feels like family. . .

. . .my past life resurfaced.

Call it the constant repetition of running on 4 hours of sleep but I can hardly differentiate which reality I'm living in. 

New Orleans is surreal: like a far off exhilarating haze, a place with so much color I'd never guess we share the same country, a place where people make time to sit on their porches, filled with Jazz music and fried dough. The only thing it was missing was Dave.

Upon arrival, I feel naked without the familiar companionship of a fully loaded equipment backpack attached to me at all times of the day. I had a camera attached to my eye socket for so long that I now see in box shapes. Now that there is a breather, I am craving to see how the footage looks. I'm not used to being left photoless so WHORAH.

To all, I believe in pillows.

Quip

Seriously. Loving. It.

I believe in kindred spirits.

Happiness is not for Liars

Your pants are on fire.

Happiness is such a broad term and is hard to understand unless you're facing it first hand. When you're not, it can be hard to remember just how splendid life is.

Documenting happiness can be brilliant, joyous, genius, inspirational and just plain fun. . . unfortunately it can also make you seem like a big fat liar (and glutton for punishment, too far away from reality, too unrealistic, too hypocritical, too self centered.) Honestly? The name of this blog has been a the falling anvil on my head.

Sometimes, I'm so mad I scream into my pillow. Sometimes I'm so happy, I have to wait until those around me aren't looking so I can victory dance. But my lips seem to be sealed when I sit down to type it all out when I know there is an audience awaiting. (Oh, what would they think of me? People don't share what they really feel on blogs. Everybody's lives seem so perfect.) well Captain Obvious, you fall short too. And. . . Life is too short to be dishonest. Your virtual personality in actuality can represent you(r true self) more fully.

So be your fierce self and dare to publish.

New Orleans

We take off to New Orleans, Louisiana Friday at 4 in the morning.

13 nights away from Dave will be a doozy.

The Jazz Festival will keep me company.

I'm missing four weddings.

However, I'm fulfilling a dream by traveling the south.

We've had several stress 'bombs' dropped on us the last week but that makes me think it's because it's go'n be goooood!

I apologize for the lack of soul pouring for the next couple of weeks. Sort of.

I believe in beignets.

Kyle Killen

This guy. . . is quickly gaining my respect when it comes to the film world. 

Or at least so far. We'll see if the pressure of the industry will turn him into a diamond.

He has a wife and three small children in which he doesn't work weekends to spend substantial time with them. He had a practical job in Texas but wasn't quite satisfied with completely giving up screenwriting. He did it as a hobby and one day he just took a chance by dropping off scripts he wrote to a bunch of different companies. One company saw his potential and took him on. His first TV series wasn't advertised very well so after two episodes it was canceled but then he tried out a midseason show that I absolutely adore: Awake. 

Awake continues to impress with every episode: it is an intense show (sometimes violent because of the main character's job) but it also has some very edifying themes (such as strong relationships.) This show is mind-bending and makes you think twice while you're dealing with others. With the way that this show is set up, I can assume two very glorious things about Kyle Killen: He is deeply invested in showing the family unit in a healthy way and he is familiar with sociology (how else could he be so good at playing with our heads?)

I believe in Kyle Killen.

May he stay committed to high standards.

Giggles are Important

Life is getting busy. The best kind of busy. Giggling is still important though.

Do I smell cheetos?

"Yes!"

It's one of those "Yes!" "Score!" or "Right on!" kinda days. 

Don't you agree?

Sharing the Love

Instagraming? Been around for a while.

I'm just barely scratching the surface on discovering it though and so I go to town when the phone is in my hands. Plus, I ran out of space on my laptop and instagram photos take up a lot less space than my lovely T3i. These are a few of my favorites.

Not so happy about the floaties.

Dave's bed head is incredible.

My happy place. One of many.

We had to teeter toter for at least 30 minutes because Sadie loved it so much.

Can you see the resemblance?

I believe in lazy Sundays.

Making the Best out of a Bad Situation.

Uncomfortable. Angry. Inadequate. Lonely. Inferior. Lost.

Smidge of a Lousy week.

However. . .

• My hands held a horse.
• Katie and Brent let us come swim with them.
• I've ran 18 miles since monday.
• Kim's phone call could not have been timed better.
• Dave and I spent hours singing loudly in the car. Jam sessshhh.
• The anger made it so that we were absolutely unstoppable at volleyball.
• I've spent quality time in my favorite thinking spots.
• Linda called me when she was nervous about school. Me. I felt so incredibly honored. 
• I leave for New Orleans in a week to film a Documentary.

I believe in long drives.

Dumped

dump

1.

drop heavily or suddenly

2.

to empty out

3.

to be dismissed, fired, or released from a contract

4.    

to transfer or rid oneself of suddenly and irresponsibly

Dumper: the unloader, in the know, often flighty.
Dumpee: receiving the fuzzy end of the lollipop, often blindsided.

Many people mention how college students fall in love during this time of year but forget that there are a lot of break ups during this season as well. Whether looking for a fresh start, a summer fling, or for no real reason at all, Dumping sessions are attracted to some of my favorite places around town.

I overheard another break up yesterday. The same cliche phrases, the guy was so surprised he couldn't handle himself and the woman was looking for an escape. It was exactly what I needed to hear. Breakups are oddly comforting: no words that perfectly capture the emotions, both parties get hurt, no reason is good enough and no one else can pin point what those specific people are feeling. All this, accompanied by gorgeous surroundings in a calm quiet place. Simply, beautiful. My issues and the reason I ran away for the day made much more sense.

I believe in personal sanctuaries.

Movie Recommendations

Sherlock Jr is the best movie I've seen in the film program. Satisfying for everybody. 

Short. Clean. Funny.

 

I recommend The Asphalt Jungle because it was a more honest attempt from Hollywood. The heroes aren't all good and the villians aren't all bad. Marilyn Monroe also premiered first in this film. It's not exactly a feel good film and doesn't necessarily have a happy ending but it's more realistic and I still thoroughly enjoyed it.

Catfish. Intense show. Seriously mindblowing. 

Don't read about it, the less you know, the better it is.

(Not for children though.)

Straight Up Hands Down Jaw Dropping Miracle:

Hairy Chest and I drove to North Orem for family dinner yesterday . The car went as fast as 50 miles per hour. Dave isn't exactly the smoothest driver in the world but he hasn't been fired from the position yet. We arrived at my sisters, got out of the car and saw my laptop on the roof of the car. . . . .Logistically speaking, there is no way my laptop should have survived that. I did a lot of thanking last night.

Earth Day

Happy Earth Day!

UNIVERSE is an incomprehensible and gloriously exquisite word. Yet, the universe is a small reminder that there is so much more. So much more to life to grasp and hang on for dear life. Take care of the world today, or if nothing else be outside with bare-feet and feel the earth beneath you. This is a great scene from Tree of Life, my favorite shot is at 2:34. Enjoy!

I believe in potential.