If you can't tell...

This is our Halloween costume. People don't understand my costume until they see Dave's but as soon as I say it, at least film students know who she is!

The runner up was this:

Happy Halloween!!!

Overcoming Grief

While I was going through a particularly hard trial, I didn't recognize the emotions I was feeling and misinterpreted them. From a class I didn't expect to be so life-changing, I have since found that I was in a state of grief rather than my original assumption. So hopefully this is helpful to someone else as well.

Grief isn't just for death.

It means "any sense of loss" so that could be losing a job, losing a lifestyle choice or losing a person emotionally. Even if you know about the stages of grief, you will still go through them-it's natural. Learning how to deal with grief in a HEALTHY way is extremely important and will help you deal with it in the inevitable future.

Symptoms of Grief: more intense emotions, natural/animal-like feelings, complex set of physical, mental, emotional, social, spiritual difficulties and changes that follow a loss. Tend to isolate yourself. Physical pain: loss of muscule power, broken heart, suicidal thoughts (you are not alone, you just don't hear about others suicidal thoughts very often.) Spiritual Pain: blame and anger to God, cease prayer, cease reading scriptures (this doesn't happen to everyone and can be confusing to those it doesn't happen to.)

• Shock- you feel numb. Empty. Aches. Sometimes physical pain. Attached to Denial.Sleep deprivation. Confusion.
• Survival Mode-can be explained as you don't grieve but by doing this you are preventing yourself to progress and you will grieve eventually to get over the situation.

Stages of Grief

(In some cases you can skip stages and you don't necessarily go in this order)

Average Recovery time 18-24 Months

1. Denial
-this stage protects us from what we know to be true. Maximum amount of denial should be 1-3 days. e.g. "I can't believe this happened. It doesn't feel real."

2. Anger
-can last a long time, however long it needs for your mind/body to heal. Try not to be stuck in this stage for too long because it can turn into hostility and regret. (This stage in particular caught me off guard in a major way, I was not expecting it because anger was not something I was used to. I wish I had known the stages of grief before.)

3. Bargaining
-If you skip any stage, it usually is this one. It's you begging for another chance, whether that's with another person, with yourself or with God. e.g. If I could just have one more hour with them OR If you let me work for just one more day, I'll show you how much better I can be.

4. Depression
-Usually the longest phase and can last an extremely long time for a significant loss. In many ways, you don't recognize you're in this depression until it hits you suddenly and you feel like you've been lying to yourself for a long time. This phase is your realization of what life will be like without that person/place/thing.

5. Acceptance
You are finally coming to terms about the situation. Forgiveness and reconcilation are established. You start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

6. Hope
You start to feel the happiness again, you see the ability to forgive or repent. There is hope and thank goodness this is the last stage, while dealing with a difficult situation it can really help to know that eventually you will see hope.



If you go through grief, you are not crazy and though it may seem extremely hard right now it is NORMAL.  You will come out of the refiners fire better than you went into it and always look forward to where it will bring you "hope."

I believe in recovery.



Bob Ross

Yes! Great job guys!

I believe in Bob Ross.

Elephant Polo

Elephant Polo The King’s Cup from stefan heinrichs on Vimeo.

This film is simple yet surreal. Plus, I now want to try elephant polo.

I believe in lucky charms.

The Secret=Africa

If you heard the rumor, it's right. 

Dave Fesler, JiHye Park, Nate Roach and I booked our flight to Africa for January 15.

(Visual Statement: vibrant color and happy faces.

Photo credit: anonymous)

But you need to know something. The other day, I realized that just like how some people perceive getting a mission call to another country is your ticket to manhood, It seems like going to Africa and making a documentary is non-fiction filmmakers ticket to prestige. Both statements of the above statements frustrate me (and knowledgeable people who have learned about sociology/ethics.)

We want to change the world yet we ignore those who are suffering in our own backyards? That doesn't seem quite right. I hear about those who find out that they are going on a state-side serving mission and those who never get to film anything in Africa and want to say to them SO WHAT. Leaving more miles away does not increase your worth.

That being said, here is how I got hooked up with this opportunity: Family.

I made a film. This one to be in fact.

       Where We Are is a film that mainly was made for fun but it did have some heartstrings attached to it. You see, my husband grew up in South Dakota and I have been invited a few times to accompany him home. His parents are moving to Idaho at the end of this year and so at our annual family reunion this summer-I was volunteered to make a documentary about it all.
        I felt so inspired while making this film that I can hardly call it mine. There is something magic about that house and that family. When they all come together, you can't help but feel an huge amount of love. So though I sat there with a camera all day and edited the moving images together, I wouldn't have been able to capture something that wasn't there.
        Well, they liked the film. As a matter of fact, they loved our little snippet of heaven and shared it with a few of their friends. Two friends in particular who are going to Africa in January for their groundbreaking of an upcoming Dream Center in their hometown.

      Hearing about their interest in me coming with them was extremely flattering yet I didn't believe it would become a reality. We've had several skype meetings (and probably many more) and everything seems to be falling nicely into place. Val and Fred are so welcoming, Lighthouse Ministries has such an edifying focus and I have been searching KSL and Amazon everyday for another camera to bring along. It will be interesting working with a crew of non-film students in making this piece but each crew member has something unique to offer.

Also, check out this cool way to make your own camera bag for if you're interested in being a little less obvious. I have been researching a ton of these little tips and tricks but I'm never sure if you're actually interested in these types of discoveries. Let me know!

Last of all, I promise:
. . .this will not be a pity film.
. . . I will try my best not to impose false ideologies while making this film.
. . . I will not physically or emotionally look down on any person, place or culture in this film.
. . .all participants have something to learn by this experience. Definitely including me.
. . .any prayers during this time would be highly appreciated.
. . .to depict progression, faith, dedication and happiness in as accurate of a form as I know how.

Why Does Rain Smell like Rain?

I've wondered this for a long time.

 Read the article here.

I believe in rain.

Galloping

There is nothing compared to melting into the horse saddle, wind in your hair and only hearing the beat of the hooves beneath you. Literally, nothing else in that hour of riding Captain mattered. I was there, alive. Riding is where I picture myself, when I need a happy place, a sanctuary or a bit of peace.

A few facts you might not know about me.

• I have had horse lessons for: Western riding, English riding (I was training for horse-jumping,) Bareback riding (what can I say, my mother was a hippie. It's in the genes.)
• I've been in 9 rodeos: barrel racing, pole bending and as the national anthem singer.
• I've had a one on one relationship with the following horses: Snow (my teacher thought he was too slow for me,) Lucy, Baryshnikov (that squatty/lazy animal,) Calypso, Gunsmoke, Wile E and Vern. You can tell by their names which ones were for the different types of riding.

It was a past life thing...

Peery Premiere

While Dave was gone, our Kiva film premiered at the Change-maker fair. 

It seems like everything blindsided me last week-even though I had warning that it would all happen. 

The Shockers:

-Dave went to Vegas and I wasn't invited. Since when did HE leave town without ME? I like it better the other way around (if at all.) 

-The trees are gone. The first day, they only took down 4 and left the tree with the zipline and I thought, "hey, that's not so bad." The second day, they took down the zipline tree and those surrounding it. The third day, they chopped down my favorite tree. Where am I supposed to sit while eating dinner? A table? Boring. That third day was an emotional day for me all around and coming home to a half-a-favorite-tree was a culminating eye-leaking factor.

-The premiere was a big deal. Should I have known that a lot of people would come, we would be asked questions and our films would be put on such a public display? Yes. Yet, I couldn't help but feel like I was in a pageant and the fact that our film was alongside the "Africa" film made viewers unappreciate the rich culture of Louisiana (Oh I have an ear full of thoughts Africa later, believe me.) Just....don't forget the REAL reasons why we became filmmakers, it's not to luxuriously travel the world taking picture evidence of where we've been. At least, I joined for a much more exalting reason and I don't want to lose that for the desire to be recognized. 

-Our intramural volleyball game went incredible for never playing with a few of the players. Seriously, volleyball is such an outlet for strong emotion.

I believe in refinement.

Dave left and the Trees are gone

And all I really want to do is eat cookie dough and cry until they both return.

Response to "Happily ever friendless"

BYU just wrote this article and I'd like to respond from the married perspective.
http://universe.byu.edu/index.php/2012/10/10/happily-ever-friendless/

-First, I'd like to express that being a friend is a TWO-WAY street.
-Second, I hate that it's always the "married" couples fault if we fall off the planet.
-Personally, I love it when friends come over but they often don't even try to make plans unless you ask them first (and if they haven't already made more exciting plans.)
-I agree about the opposite gender portion but that doesn't mean you don't have to say "Hi" to each other.
-Last, it's different in Utah. When we go to other states, the fact that we're married makes no difference to friends. The best ones stick around anyway.

Sorry, if this seems too critical. I feel this is an often topic brought and it mainly shows the single side of the spectrum. Somehow I feel that pitying the friends that complain about this subject encourages them to just be wimps. 

Worse than Wetting the Bed

I was walking home from school today, having a long conversation with a stranger who thought my name was Amy when I felt something wet on my leg.

I looked down and realized I just peed my pants for the first time since I was nine years old. The odd thing is I didn't feel like I needed to go to the bathroom, nor did I recognize any sensation when I was actually peeing.

I guess my back problem is more than a back problem.

Wedding Promo!

I believe in pinatas.

Snippets from the Wedding Tonight

 I love this shot of her dad and her dancing specifically because the band had finished so her father sang to her.

I believe in soup.

“Sadness, disappointment, and severe challenge are events in life, not life itself.. They can extend over a long period of time, but they should not be allowed to become the confining center of everything you do. “Men are, that they might have joy.” His intent is that each of us finds joy. ” -Richard G. Scott (1996)
Finding Joy in Life

My sister works at the hospital as a psych tech and witnesses a lot of individuals attempting to take their own lives.  This last week, there has been a drastic increase of students attempting suicide and it may be a result of increased workload, midterms or personal family struggle. Since this age range is one of the biggest for the blogging world, I feel compelled to address this issue. If you are overwhelmed, situationally or clinically depressed, there is always hope-seek it. There is a lot of hurt in the world but suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I believe in help.

And My Sweet Heart

Love. We need it now.

Box of Chocolates

"She sends me these chocolates

and I don't like the way they taste

she keeps sending me these chocolates

and i told her and i say mom, I appreciate that you sending me gifts but I don't like that chocolate

and she sent me a whole box yesterday

It's like she's deaf or something

and she sends it to my brother and he doesn't like the chocolates either"

-a guy in the open lab today

CBS New's Anchor October 2, 2012

"To the person who wrote me that letter...you know nothing about me but what you see on the outside and I am much more than a number on a scale."

Thoughts?

A Step Forward

I got the immunizations today and almost squeezed off JiHye's hand.

Polio
TDaP
Hepatitus A & B
Yellow Fever
HPV
Meningococcal
Typhoid

That's 10 shots total. The worst part is when they put that cold liquid on your arm and you know what is coming in two seconds. I hate that feeling. I advise getting all of your shots at once though. I liked having them all over with rather than spreading out the terror over a long period of time.

I believe in Bugs Bunny band-aids.

Internships and Work Experience

A lot has been going on and writing posts seem quite selfish or boring so I want to share some love. For the sake of love. Huzzah for love.

It's internship time around the world and although a lot of internships closed October 1 for Winter semester, there are still a ton of experiences out there to get involved with for college students and recent graduates.

Interested in teaching English in another country?
The International Language program not only seems reliable but it is also so much cheaper than the majority of the others I've seen going around.

http://www.ilp.org/

Interested in volunteering with small growing businesses around the world?

I will forever love the initiatives of Kiva. http://www.kiva.org/fellows

If you are interested in other internships, I have applied for 30 already and will probably continue to continue. We could have a resume revamping, grant searching and reel refining night.

Things I am looking for:

-Filmmaking, childcare or wildlife care-taking internships 

-International experience

-I'd like to become friends with an elephant

-I'll take any period of time but the longer the better for Dave

Just in: the concert was amazing today.
Imagine Dragons.
GROUPLOVE.
AWOLNATION
and some Neon Trees.

They wouldn't let me have my camera because they said it was too "professional." Ok??? Still a treat.